Poppin the Cherry.

So, it's time for me to officially break in my blog with some ranting and some word-type things. I'm guessing it's going to be painful to read, the font is designed with labels in mind more than anything.

I've come back to Binghamton for spring break, and, as always, I've run head first into a wall of mixed emotions. Whenever I visit here, my inner conflict between my young life, and my newly beginning adulthood is brought into incredibly sharp focus. The effect is doubled by my best friend, who, somehow, manages to go through similar situations with me, as I experience them. We're both being pulled forward, and held back at the same time.

I got to wondering: Does everyone go through this? Does everyone have that period of time, where they want to move forward, yet are scared to lose their grip on the past?

I want to believe that all of humanity goes through it on their journey to adulthood, but at the same time, I want it to be unique. I want to be that snowflake. The one I watched as a child, the one with a life all it's own. It's falling from the sky in such a lazy way, smiling, sparkling, before settling atop the pristine pillow top of the earth. I want to become part of everything, but at the same time, I am struggling to shine, to be in the spotlight with all of my frail and minute arms in focus.

It's hard to look at myself, and the people around me, and accept that we are all growing, and changing, and reaching for the spotlight. It's so tough to finally acknowledge the affects of time. When we were young, our lives were so small, so short. We saw things grow on such a small scale; plants grew from seeds, chickens grew from chicks, and each time the leaves grew, and spread, and waned, and fell, it was a miracle. Now that we're older, we see the rise and fall of people themselves. Children reach for the sun, and our grandparents shrink towards the ground. We learn. We equal our parents in intelligence. We can see things from other people's perspectives.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that: It's really difficult for me to wrap my mind around this. I'm finally grasping at the threadbare ends of this complex concept. Of life, of it's cycles, birth, death, and all the things in between. I want to comprehend how to apply all this accumulated knowledge in living a fulfilled life. I want to continue to grow, and I want to learn how to embrace this awkward point in my life as a stepping stone to a more complete me.