Loss and suffering.

How much loss can one human soul endure before it becomes a husk?
How much can be taken from a person before nothing is left?

Asking the question, how much worse can it get, its not supposed to be a dare.

Maybe there is a god, and she is called Earth. Certainly we have turned our backs on her, no wonder so many bad things happen to us.

I feel like I have moved into a stage in my life where I am so overly empathetic to the pain of those around me and of situations and mistakes that its too much to bear. I cry at the simplest things, and the complicated things. When a baby smiles at me. When my friend is terrified. When I can't make decisions about the future, and I just wait so long that the future passes me by.

Why does wanting only good things for people and for myself mean that bad things draw so near? Why is it that only when I am bitterly sad do opportunities seek me out?

I have locked myself into a strange place in this world. I make excuses about not being treated right. I just want one life problem solved at a time. I just want someone to have my back. But for some reason, all the people who would do that are still left at home. Its like the city is such a constructed artifice that all the people inside of it can't help but be the same.

I really wish everyone could just be themselves. I wish I could be myself. But I think that I am also trapped within the artifice. I want to go home. I want to go home and I want to stop being so worried and so sad and so abandoned. I want to take my clan and migrate like our ancestors, except I don't want to migrate to chase food, I want to chase and hunt happiness. Its not here anymore. Happiness has abandoned the East Coast. Only the stubbornly miserable remain.