Hate Me.

This cat and I carry a mutual hatred of each other.

Easter Day

Show Support

I have just uploaded my pets project, called My Friend, My Pet. Please add it to your following list to show your support. You can find it here.

Home Again

So I'm back in the city again, but I feel like a soggy puzzle piece. Momo helps, but there's still things floating around my mind that are keeping me up. I think I'm just overthinking. I'm suddenly curious, what does it feel like to have a mind free of bother? I knew once, not too long ago, and now that feeling of peace is uprooted. Things that should be easy for me, natural and logical things, are more like climbing a rock face. I am clinging to this big mountain of hope, but one big breeze could knock me to the bottom again.

I remember once, someone told me they admired me because I was so strong. I am not strong. I am the same as any other fragile living thing, stretching my limbs to the sun in the hope that I will be picked.

Aquaterra

Here I am, enjoying the wilderness I was raised in, and enjoying watching Beckah take a picture with a real camera.

Stephy and the Dead

Here's some work from the still life/portrait project that I did... I actually like the bottom graphic thing that I did the best ^^;

Bowl Full of Stars

I took a drive up into the mountains to look at Binghamton from above tonight. It looks just like a black bowl full of stars. It makes me really miss the old days, my old friends. But I'm not so terribly great at keeping friends.

Late Nights and Lost Meanings

I hide from my memories behind a mask.
Reality checks in as an air raid siren.
Fantasy flies out the window
Leaving behind radiation.
It's Unavoidable.
Evolution.

Destroyer of Worlds

Words I couldn't say
Caught in my throat like hair in a drain
Once your eyes hit mine
A sound like the strike of a pool table
I am so cold
And you are so wanting

Words I couldn't say
Clapped against my lips
Like my fingers against yours
A sound like a sled pressing down snow
As I try to push you away
Crush you without breaking

Words I couldn't say
Soft and boiled inside my hard shell
Waiting to crash against your teeth
A sound like breaking straws
As the last straw breaks
And I close the car door.

Poppin the Cherry.

So, it's time for me to officially break in my blog with some ranting and some word-type things. I'm guessing it's going to be painful to read, the font is designed with labels in mind more than anything.

I've come back to Binghamton for spring break, and, as always, I've run head first into a wall of mixed emotions. Whenever I visit here, my inner conflict between my young life, and my newly beginning adulthood is brought into incredibly sharp focus. The effect is doubled by my best friend, who, somehow, manages to go through similar situations with me, as I experience them. We're both being pulled forward, and held back at the same time.

I got to wondering: Does everyone go through this? Does everyone have that period of time, where they want to move forward, yet are scared to lose their grip on the past?

I want to believe that all of humanity goes through it on their journey to adulthood, but at the same time, I want it to be unique. I want to be that snowflake. The one I watched as a child, the one with a life all it's own. It's falling from the sky in such a lazy way, smiling, sparkling, before settling atop the pristine pillow top of the earth. I want to become part of everything, but at the same time, I am struggling to shine, to be in the spotlight with all of my frail and minute arms in focus.

It's hard to look at myself, and the people around me, and accept that we are all growing, and changing, and reaching for the spotlight. It's so tough to finally acknowledge the affects of time. When we were young, our lives were so small, so short. We saw things grow on such a small scale; plants grew from seeds, chickens grew from chicks, and each time the leaves grew, and spread, and waned, and fell, it was a miracle. Now that we're older, we see the rise and fall of people themselves. Children reach for the sun, and our grandparents shrink towards the ground. We learn. We equal our parents in intelligence. We can see things from other people's perspectives.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that: It's really difficult for me to wrap my mind around this. I'm finally grasping at the threadbare ends of this complex concept. Of life, of it's cycles, birth, death, and all the things in between. I want to comprehend how to apply all this accumulated knowledge in living a fulfilled life. I want to continue to grow, and I want to learn how to embrace this awkward point in my life as a stepping stone to a more complete me.

Over-Processed and Under Appreciated

Brian Reed

These are some environmental shots I did of my new roommate, Brian Reed. I also am including him in my people and their pets project.